The Meaning of Success

 

What would you write about if someone asks you for your success story? How will you reply, if you consider yourself as an ordinary person faced with financial problems occasionally (sometimes more often), or as one whose popularity is not even one percent of a rock star, or as one whose influence could not even get a preferential position in a crowd?

When you look at the successful persons who receive acclamation from people in all forms of media, you will come up with the conclusion that they are persons abundantly endowed with wealth or money, power, and fame.

Success is defined as the accomplishment of a goal or an objective. Thus, it can measure a person's entire lifetime, or just one project that he undertakes. A successful person is one who consistently achieves his goals in his lifetime, and most especially towards its end.

A person may define success a bit differently from how other people would. The measure of success of an individual may depend on his values. Suppose that person is more interested in caring for people, whether family or community, realizing his objectives for their welfare would be his measure of success. It may not translate to money, power, or fame.

 

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.”  - Proverbs 16:3

Due to life's uncertainties, there is no chance you can become a successful person by following one blueprint from youth to old age. There will be times for planning to achieve specific objectives, such as education, profession, family life, social life, and retirement.

Plans may fail, perhaps due to lack of resources or errors in execution, and you have to make new plans and start over. In most cases, those who eventually succeed have asked God for guidance and strength and have put their trust in Him.

Perhaps there may be times when an aspect of one's life might be considered a failure, but it has to be viewed as God's will, and but a small part of one's overall success story.

 

“Success is living in such a way that you are using what God has given you – your intellect, abilities, and energy – to reach the purpose that he intends for your life.” – Kathi Hudson

Every person is given innate gifts that increase or become more pronounced through proper nurturing and frequent use. Going through life without striving for excellence in school, or performing tasks that are not to the best of one's abilities, are not indicators of success.

Would you call a person who has immense wealth but has not worked throughout his life successful? Would you call a person who has gained notoriety successful? No, because that person has wasted the gifts that should have been instruments in realizing his life's bigger purpose.

 

“The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people.” – Theodore Roosevelt

Undoubtedly, the number of supportive people in one's lifetime is a factor in achieving success. Family, friends, and hard-working workers can inspire an entrepreneur to engage in a business. The number of reliable suppliers and loyal customers will ensure higher profits and a sustainable business. Good customer relations, or maintaining good connections with people in all aspects of the business, can make a successful businessman.

Other than businessmen, people who interact engagingly and well with different people, whether in terms of economic status, race, religion, or political beliefs, also tend to become successful. This is because they can easily make their goals and objectives understood and accepted by anyone. From conceptualization to implementation, their projects will find support.

 

"Let not kindness and fidelity forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and good esteem in the sight of God and man.” – Proverbs 3:3-4

Let your life be filled with love and faithfulness, to God and other people, that whatever you have done successfully will be recognized and applauded. A good person who becomes successful will receive much admiration, rather than one who has brought sadness and pain especially to those who have contributed to his success.

 

"Success is peace of mind in knowing you did your best.” – John Wooden 

Towards the end of your life, when asked if you consider yourself a success, what would be your best measure then? 

Ask yourself then, if ever you have achieved your life's goal and have realized your dreams, and whether you did so with the following:

        a) Kindness and gentleness to others

        b) Faithfulness to God even during trying times

        c) Bringing happiness and satisfaction to people

        d) Honoring God by fully utilizing His gifts; and

        e) Offering everything to God for His greater glory. 

With these, you did your best. You are a success!

 

Farewell, My Healer

        While the entire country was mourning the death of a beloved past President whose life touched many, a friend was fighting for her life at the Covid19 ward of a government-owned hospital. Sadly, their deaths were only three days apart.  My friend was my massage therapist. It was hard not to shed tears of sadness for both modern-day heroes.

   

When you have been giving your trust to a person to heal your body for as long as two decades, it is hard not to consider her a friend.  She has seen me during times when I looked my ugliest, my face grimacing in pain and my body contorted and weak. She has soothed my aches and pains with her hand, not minding my sweat or my clammy skin. She made sure that I felt better by the time the massage is finished.

 

Healing Through Massage Therapy 

In my part of the world, we respect the massage therapists. My hometown of Magarao is known for  healers called “parahilot”, a local term which is applied to those engaged in bone setting (for sprains, dislocated bones and joints) and who also practice a unique type of massage - done with bare hands - that can heal body aches and pains as well as prevent impending illnesses with colds, cough and fever symptoms. Some of them are also known to have the ability to drive away evil spirits. We are told that this healing method has existed for centuries. Until the 1990s, the locals had no knowledge about Swedish massage, Thai massage, reflexology and aromatherapy. Body aches and pains were subjected to this traditional method of healing. In some cases, the massage was done with local plants mixed with coconut oil.

 Around the year 2000, when the “parahilot” (i.e., a person who undertakes healing through “hilot”) received attention from the government with the intention of professionalizing workers in the health and wellness industry, the term “hilot” became known also as “Philippine touch therapy”.  The practicing healers as well as aspiring ones were trained on the traditional massage method, human physiology and anatomy, good housekeeping and grooming. Some of them also learned reflexology and other types of massages to cater to the needs of their clients. Client preference was also considered in looking for and in using massage oil or lotion.

 

Pregnancy and Post-Partum Therapy

           I used to avail of the “hilot” services of my healer’s parents. My healer, Emer, was not yet a confident healer when I had my last pregnancy. Her father and mother were a team when dealing with post-partum therapy. They made sure that upper and lower back muscles knotted during childbirth became unknotted and relaxed.  I don’t remember though if I had availed of their “hilot” service when I was pregnant. Some pregnant women avail of pre-childbirth massage to avoid the incidence of breech delivery.  The healer can determine whether the baby is in the proper position at that specific period during the pregnancy.

Therapy for Work-Related Pains

           Working the whole day in front of a computer, going on tiring travels to far-flung areas, walking along supermarket or grocery aisles to monitor prices, using eyes and limbs when inspecting product compliance to quality standards – these work -related activities bring about pains in the back, shoulders, neck, legs and feet. Every government worker is expected to deliver according to work targets, and most times a big number of working hours is needed to achieve favorable results.  Tiredness and sore muscles are compounded week after week, that it is a must for one to avail of massage services even just once a month.

 My friend Emer would start the massage by looking at my hands, palms upward, and she would know which parts of my body hurt the most.  For around an hour, she would do the massage, taking care not to miss the veins and muscles that brought about the pains. Before ending the session, she made sure that we check whether there was any pain left.

 

Healing Sickness Caused by Bad Spirits

           Local folk beliefs include the effect of disturbing bad spirits or getting near persons who may be affected by some invisible forces.  The patient may be experiencing severe headache and stomach pains, perspiring profusely or vomiting without any known cause.  When reasons such as food poisoning, influenza or pregnancy are doubted as possible causes, the unexplained condition will be labeled as the work of bad or naughty spirits.  Babies and toddlers will be brought to persons who have made banter with them, and that person will be asked to spit and put saliva near the navel of the child. Healing will be miraculously quick.

 Among children and older people, unexplained sickness as described earlier may also be attributed to associating with or being in the company of an unbathed person with body odor, or a hungry person who has already experienced being a victim of the bad spirit’s foul force, which is called “usog” in Tagalog and “sibang” in the local Bicol dialect. I myself experienced listlessness aside from headache, stomachache and vomiting after an encounter with several people, and I could not pinpoint the person afflicted by a bad spirit who caused the “sibang”.

 I told Emer I felt like I was about to die but could not pinpoint the cause and concluded that I had to be healed of the “sibang”. I vaguely remembered her telling me that she needed hot water because she was about to give me a towel bath or sponge bath.  She asked me to change my clothes because she would be using the one I was wearing to heal me. She submerged my used clothes in hot water, waited for it to cool just a bit to a temperature that would enable her to wring it. Then she proceeded to wipe my entire body with the hot cloth, and immediately wiped my skin with a dry towel just seconds after. After the procedure, I felt invigorated and totally healed.  I observed that she was silent during the process and I concluded that she was praying the entire time.

 

Healing Loneliness and Heartache

         Perhaps due to the healing effect of human touch, having a massage when you are lonely and broken-hearted is a good decision. During the deaths of my parents, seven years apart, I was very much affected that I felt like I was just doing the things expected of me without actually feeling alive. Emer’s healing massage revived me. 

        When I was faced with things that disappointed me, whether about work or family, or heartaches due to family problems, I found that Emer’s massage would make me feel much better and ready to face life’s challenges. I usually would act like nothing was wrong while she was doing the massage, and it becomes true at the end of the session.

 

Post-Stroke Therapy and Healing

          I had a stroke three-and-a-half years ago, called lacunar infarct by my neurologist. I felt sluggish for a couple of months after my hospitalization, although I recovered from facial and left arm paralysis within a day due to the immediate attention of my case by doctors in two hospitals (the first one referred me to the other hospital).

        Post-hospitalization therapy called for massages.  I was told it would be better to get massages twice a month, or maybe thrice a month.  It was Emer who I trusted to make me better. She knew that I needed the massages to ensure that blood flows freely in my veins without any blockage. She already had a lot of experience when it comes to patients with high blood pressure and related ailments. I welcomed those rehabilitation sessions with her.

 

Overall Wellness

 Post-retirement activities that include gardening, household chores, exercising, and some writing projects can be tiring. I experience body aches due to muscle cramps.  Massages are welcome now more than ever. During the pandemic which limited personal interactions since March 2020, I longed for monthly massages, but it was not always possible.  Since January this year, I sent SMS messages to Emer to secure an appointment because her policy was to attend to only one client or one household per day. She was conscious about health protocols, always having her face mask on and taking care to disinfect herself after the massage. I was lucky to have Emer massage me from January to March, and in May.

 Emer died last June 27.  I haven’t had a massage in June. I have lost a friend who eased my pains, and her death pained me.  She was cremated, and her ashes is yet to be buried, but her house and family is in lockdown until July 7.  Talking about her and helping her family get through this lonely and challenging time in their life is my therapy.

 Farewell, Emer, my healer.  You have used God’s gift and lived your purpose.  Go with the angels who will take you home.  Rest in peace.

Eight Reasons Why I Celebrate Father's Day

     

It's another Father's Day without my father.  He passed away twelve years ago while I was not at home. I was already a mother of four, working at an office. It was that time in the morning when his nurse was about to assist him in taking his medicines. Many years have gone, but I could still feel the heartache.

        There are many reasons why daughters should celebrate Father's Day.  First among them is that he is her first best friend. Okay, maybe one of the first two best friends, since the mother will be there first - at the womb and during childbirth. He would be at his wife's bedside, looking at the baby.  He could not get over his daughter's beauty, wondering how he could sire such a beautiful creature. This is the reason why the older brother becomes jealous of her.

        The second reason is that he is the one who lets his child see the world from a bigger perspective when she is still a toddler. He takes her to places like parks and his friends' homes on his shoulders, or perhaps riding on his neck, while he supports her legs that fall from both his shoulders. "I'm taller than you, Papa", she says, "I can see many people from here." And she could see other things from another angle, so that she finally can grasp that each object is three-dimensional.

        The third reason is that at his daughter's childhood, he would be the knight in shining armor in her eyes. He can do anything. He is strong and very capable. When she falls asleep on the couch, or simply would not want to move because of sleepiness or tiredness, her father would scoop her up and bring her to her bed, although it would take him more than ten steps to get there. The father is his daughter’s first hero.

The fourth reason is that he would be sharing knowledge on what the boys are doing, and how they will do it.  He takes pride that his daughter is learning things that her brothers must learn to do – carpentry, for instance. He teaches her how to get along with boys, fight fairly with them, and learn about winning and losing in spelling and in tug-of-war. “It’s not the winning or the losing. It’s how you play the game.” He teaches her about competition and equality at her young age.

The fifth reason is that he shows her how to have fun in simple occasions, like going on a picnic or ‘excursion’ in nearby nature haunts. The first step is preparing the food.  He gets a live chicken, grossly performs the killing process (something that will make her close or squint her eyes) and asks his daughter to help pluck the feathers. Then, he cooks the chicken in coconut milk with some herbs, and as the cooking ends, asks his daughter to be the taster. In the picnic area, there is enjoyment in sharing the food together, eating with bare hands.

The sixth reason is that he shows her that anyone who loves can hurdle difficulties. A strong typhoon that devastated homes, bridges and other infrastructure is not a reason for a father to stay put in his remote work assignment.  Even before the storm stops, he strives to conquer the waves (in a motorized ‘banca’) and wind (roofs and broken branches flying all around) so that he could immediately attend to his family’s needs at home. He teaches his daughter courage amid storms.

The seventh reason is that he shows her that it is okay to fail sometimes. “It is okay if you fail in your algebra class or get an incomplete grade in your calculus class” (a wonder though, when her seatmate requests her for some tutoring sometimes). Nothing can inspire her better than hearing comforting words from her first two best friends showing support.

The eighth reason is that his responsibilities as a father does not end when his daughter reaches a certain age or a certain station in life. He escorts his daughter to the altar, and on the next day his mouth deforms, and his limbs get weak because of a stroke. He does not inform his daughter, mindful not to ruin her honeymoon. With a husband working abroad, her father acts in his behalf when she gives birth to her second and third sons at the hospital. He is also the kind of father who continues to support his daughter in her career, cheering her on when times are tough, and even acting as her personal driver during fieldwork.

My father has shown unconditional love, as our Father in heaven would want him to do so that I could understand and be thankful of God’s mercy and love.

 Happy Father’s Day, Papa!

 Happy Father’s Day, Lord God!  I pray that my Papa is enjoying eternal happiness and peace in Your kingdom.

Love and Togetherness: Ingredients for A Happy Life

     There are people who love from a distance. Young people feel the excitement of first love, perhaps with a person who they do not really know very well - maybe because they have not been introduced yet, or each one is simply too shy to approach the other.

     There are also those who have expressed their love for one another but work or studies have separated them. Maybe they can only see each other a few days per month, or a few vacation weeks per year.  This long distance love affair can be quite challenging because one can never know how long the love will last.

   There are those who promised to love and may be in a marriage or a more serious relationship.  They are expected to spend time with each other and fulfill their duties as spouses or partners. Love becomes the reason for being more patient and kind with one another.  With the presence of love, partners can forgive each other's faults; thus, relationships can last a lifetime.

      These people in serious relationships can happen to get separated, perhaps because of career/work and income opportunities that especially attract people who have a high regard for personal growth and self-fulfillment.  Some lucky ones get what they want and come back, happy to be with the loved one once again.  The unlucky ones might stay separated, and search for new loves.

         If love and togetherness are ingredients for a happy life, shouldn't each one of us, couples and partners especially, strive to nurture that love and try our best to stay together?

       During these times of empowerment of both sexes, love for self is also a focus. Sadly, when a person cares more for his or her feelings, the hurt turns to bitterness and assertiveness.  Fights can easily result to separation when the two people involved refuse to let go of their pride. In some instances when one of the parties feel that the betrayal or the hurt is too much, an annulment or divorce will be resorted to. 

      Togetherness until death might be too hard to achieve if people are not humble enough to ask for forgiveness every time they did something wrong.  It cannot be expected if people keep referring to past hurts and regrets. This is simply because no one wants to have a wound that does not heal.  That wound will lead to death.

     The biblical passage in the First Letter of Paul to the Corinthians (13:4-7) guides us who want to have a happy life: “Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, [love] is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.  It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 

        On your anniversary, let me wish you more years of love and togetherness. Cheers!